There Are No Words

by Michelle

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“Here, Vincent, it’s okay, hold her…” Lena was passing her newly born daughter to the stunned leonine man.
He hesitated for a moment, then slowly reached for the baby and held it carefully in his strong arms. A myriad of emotions passed through his mind and heart, feelings so powerful that they almost confused him. Miracle, love, devotion, wonder, beauty, warmth, longing…

Catherine gasped quietly when he took the baby, and with a half-opened mouth watched how wonderfully natural he looked with the child. The amazement in his eyes, the gentleness of his hold and the peace radiating from him calmed the little girl down and she stopped fussing in his arms right away.

Catherine had seen Vincent with the tunnel children many times before and it was more than visible that they all adored him. He was not only patient, calm and a great teacher, but he had a way around with kids. It was something which couldn’t be taught; you had to be born with it.

He would be such an amazing father... If only...

Catherine stopped the train of her thoughts, afraid Vincent might catch them and get scared. But her vision got suddenly blurry and she swallowed hard, as the desire of her heart filled her with such longing that she almost cried.

Despite of trying to shield her feelings from him, Vincent caught some of them anyway. When he looked up from the baby and his eyes met Catherine’s, her smile was bittersweet and he noticed her unshed tears.

Oh, Catherine…

She knew she had to get out of there quickly or else she might not be able to control her emotions.
“I’m sorry… I have to get back Above,” Catherine tried to say with a light tone. “I will see you later, Lena?”
The young mother nodded with a warm smile. “Thank you, Catherine, for everything.”
Catherine smiled and leaned over to the baby resting happily in Vincent’s arms.
“Bye, little one,” she whispered and kissed the girl on the cheek.

Then she straightened herself up again and her eyes caught Vincent’s. What she saw in them almost broke her.
”I’ll walk you out,” he said with a deep voice, moved by her little gesture, and carefully passed the child back to its mother.

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They walked the whole journey to her basement in silence, just holding hands, as if it was too difficult to talk about what they had just experienced. When they came to the threshold, they suddenly awakened from their thoughts. They realised the time has come yet again to part, and the fact stung them both at heart.

”Do you think Lena has an idea for a name yet?” Catherine tried to ease the situation, leaning against the wall on one side of the threshold, opposite Vincent, who chuckled at her question.
“You mean other than Imogen, Juliet or Mariah?”
This time, it was Catherine who laughed. He was referring to his and Jacob’s rather amusing discussion about the baby’s name.
“I think she does, but she doesn’t want to reveal it until the naming ceremony which is a tradition.”

Catherine smiled and then sighed, her gaze locked with Vincent’s before he spoke sadly.
“Our time together is always so short…”
The same words mirrored in her mind, but there was something she desperately wanted to know.

“Tell me something, Vincent… before I have to go.”
“What should I tell you?” Vincent asked.
Catherine took a deep breath, and a look of deep longing was reflected in the green pools of her eyes.
“Tell me how it felt… to hold the baby in your arms?” she almost whispered.

Vincent leaned his head back against the wall, gazing at her. He was unable to describe the feeling.
Then he finally said, “There are no words…”

A bittersweet smile appeared on Catherine’s face, and her eyes got misty again. She could feel the overwhelming emotions in Vincent’s heart and she knew they were not just because of him holding the baby. She was feeling the same, struggling to keep it bottled up and sighed.

“You looked so…” beautiful, magical, divine.… “natural with the baby…”
Vincent tilted his head slightly, sighing, never letting go of her eyes as she continued.
“I wish…. I wish… “ Catherine couldn’t bring herself to say those words, to put her greatest wish into words and say them aloud.
His look was full of sadness when he spoke. “I wish, too, Catherine… but it cannot be…”

His words were like a sharp knife to her heart. Of course, she had heard them before, but she still refused to accept them. Even more so after that day, after what she saw and knowing that their love was getting stronger day by day. After all the obstacles they had already overcome in their relationship…

“Why, Vincent?” she shook her head in despair.
He closed his eyes and sighed. ”You know why…”
”And you know that I trust you. I trust you with my life, I know you would never hurt me, no matter what…”

Vincent bowed his head and then he held his clawed hands out in front of her in frustration.
“Can’t you see, Catherine?! You know what these hands can do!”
“I do… “
“They can kill!!” he almost growled in despair.

“In the time of great need… But they can also hold a child’s hand to ease its fever. They can give comfort to a weary soul. They can build homes for families. They can write beautiful words. They can hold a baby with the greatest gentleness and care. And they can hold a beloved person with so much feel and sensuality that it takes them to Heaven…”

Vincent looked at her, touched by her words, and saw tears in her eyes. For the first time that evening, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that their love was strong enough to guide him on the right path, to overcome the last barrier of their relationship and make it complete. He desperately wanted to give her what she desired, what he desired too, but the fear was still lurking in the back of his mind and it wouldn’t be easy to bypass it…

Catherine knew how tall and strong the walls of his barriers were. They were being built during his life and it would be a Herculean task to bring them down. However, she promised herself she would succeed in it, even if she had to do it brick by brick. Vincent was more than worth it. But it would take time...

When she saw the haunted look on his face and tears welling up in his eyes, she couldn’t bear it any longer and closed the distance between them to put her arms around him.
”I know… It’s all right…” She tried to console him and herself at the same time.

Vincent buried his weary head in her shoulder and his long arms tightened his hold around her.
They stood like this for a while before Catherine gently pulled back and looking deep into his sapphire eyes said quietly with a smile. “One day…”
He looked at her, wanting to protest at first, but against all his convictions he only breathed into the cool air. 
“One day…” 

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