Wednesday, 15 February 2023

Becoming The Ocean 

by Michelle


Note: Certain dialogue was taken from the episode “Terrible Savior” from the TV series Beauty and the Beast, written by George R.R. Martin.

※※※※※

Catherine was sitting on her balcony that evening. She was trying to focus on the book of classical poetry in her hands. Her mind stubbornly refused to focus on the words on the paper, though. Why hadn’t he come? She had been tapping on the pipe for almost an hour in the basement of her apartment building, but to no avail. Growing fear was nagging at her more insistently, despite her desperate effort to fight it.

What if it’s true and that’s why he doesn’t want to come?

Frustrated, she glanced at the headline on the front of the New York Day newspaper.

SUBWAY SLASHER - PSYCHOPATH OR SAVIOR?

No, it couldn’t be! The Vincent she knew was a kind, gentle and usually non-violent person who struck only in self-defence or to protect someone in need. How well did she truly know him, though? The heart was telling her one thing, but it conflicted with her reason. The claw marks on the photos of the victims she saw earlier that day spoke more than clearly, and yet…

She sighed and tried focusing on the book again. However, her eyelids were getting heavier, and the book in her hands slowly slipped into her lap. Not even a minute later, still sitting on the wrought-iron chair, Catherine fell asleep.

***

The first thing she saw when opening her eyes was Vincent sitting on the ledge of the balcony half-wall.

“You came!” Catherine exclaimed with a beaming smile, immediately rose from her chair and embraced him tightly as if she hadn’t seen him for years.

“You have no idea how much I needed to see you!”


Her smile faded, though when she noticed that Vincent not only didn’t say anything but didn’t even return her embrace - something was amiss. She pulled back from him, looking curiously into his eyes.

“Vincent… What’s wrong?” she asked.

That was when she noticed how cold and dark Vincent’s eyes were - nothing like his usual warm, gentle look. The next moment, they turned almost black and with a snarl, he exposed his fangs.
Catherine’s eyes widened in shock, and fear gripped her just a second before Vincent did - he grabbed at her arms and his snarls gained intensity.

 “No!” she cried with sudden terror. But it seemed that Vincent didn’t or couldn’t hear her, for the snarls turned into roars. He didn’t let her go; his grasp got even tighter, almost painful.

With force, he pushed her back to her chair, and the last thing Catherine saw before she screamed was Vincent’s large fangs showing in full view. His roar was deafening, and she screamed in horror when he approached her and…

***

Catherine woke up with a muted scream, but opening her eyes, she realised it was only a dream. A nightmare, a mere product of her too-vivid imagination. Or was it foreboding?

She looked up when something warm reached her cheeks - the sun was rising. Without realising it, Catherine had slept the whole night in the chair on her balcony. She stood up, shivering, and wrapped herself tighter in her night robe. It was still cold that time of year, especially at night. Her neck was stiff and the shivering didn’t stop. Grabbing the book of poetry on the little table, she walked to the French door and entered her apartment, closing the door behind her. The newspaper with the disturbing headline remained forgotten on the balcony table.

※※※※※

It was already late evening when Catherine entered the intricate web of tunnels below her apartment building. After her conversation with the cleaning lady saved by the slasher, she couldn’t stand by anymore. The lady’s description of her saviour resembled Vincent too much - the knowledge of it frightened Catherine even more.

Her heart was telling her to trust Vincent, to believe in the goodness she saw in him from the beginning, the goodness and his correct judgement of each situation. And yet, the circumstances surrounding the subway attacks had an overwhelming feel to them, confusing her even more. She still knew him so little… There was no more time to waste - the conversation was inevitable.

When Catherine started roaming the tunnels, the corridors seemed familiar to her. Only after a few minutes of walking, though, she couldn’t recognise the tunnels and open spaces anymore. Her confusion, combined with the dire need to find Vincent, was slowly replaced by panic, rising within her with each step into the unknown. She still wanted to meet him, but the way resembled the current situation between them - complicated and uncertain; a wasteland, full of cracks from draught, only waiting to shift beneath her feet and swallow her.

Vincent, please... I need to talk to you...

After walking further for about an hour, fatigue suddenly came over her, and unable to move on (she had no idea where), Catherine sat down on the dusty, cold ground and leaned against the rocky tunnel wall. Closing her eyes, she exhaled loudly, and although she refused to give up, despair grabbed her with its feisty fingers. She was in such a hurry when she set out for the journey that she forgot to take a warmer jacket, and now, the cold and damp underground was making her shiver.

When she suddenly heard the soft sound of footsteps, she knew who they belonged to even without opening her eyes. Still, her head immediately turned in the sound’s direction, and the sight next to her made her gasp.

“Vincent…” She whispered incredulously, yet relieved.
Without a word, he quickly knelt to her and carefully wrapped a warm blanket around her shoulders.
“We can’t stay here; you need to warm up,” he said quietly, and his eyes were averting her curious look more than she would have liked.

Vincent helped her get up. Then, walking in front of her, he led her to the safety and warmth of his chamber.

***

 Not a word was spoken between them on the way. Catherine was too tired and cold to talk while walking; Vincent was deep in his thoughts, knowing why she came and what she wanted to know, but waiting for a more private and comfortable environment.

When they entered the space Catherine had fond memories of, Vincent finally looked at her. The sadness in his eyes made her heart almost stop.

“I’ll make you some tea to warm up,” he stated listlessly. “Sit down, please.” He pointed at his bed.

Catherine walked over to the bed she had spent ten days in and sat down. So many memories filled her head all at once, bombarding her from everywhere she looked: Vincent sitting next to her and reading to her; the smell of the simple but delicious food he had fed her with; the warm feel of the cup of herb tea he had served her several times a day; the pleasant, comforting scent of his clothes and his own specific, masculine scent when he had leant over her to pull her pillows into a more comfortable position…

She shut her eyes for a moment and sighed. When she opened them again, Vincent was pouring hot water into a vintage teapot with a gentle, floral decor. Catherine’s eyes were following his arms. His graceful moves beguiled her senses, but something in the back of her mind was telling her to remain vigilant.

I don’t want to feel like this... I’m not afraid of him! she almost screamed.

As if Vincent had heard her, he turned around with a cup of tea in his hand. One look at her confirmed what he felt coming through their bond.

I frighten her...

He walked the few steps over to her, passing her the tea, lowering his eyes.
“It will warm and pick you up.” His gravelly voice was almost inaudible.
“Thank you,” Catherine whispered, her widened eyes fixed on his face, waiting for more words.

Vincent retreated again, widening her personal space probably more than she subconsciously desired. Finally, he stopped and observed her face from a distance. When Catherine met his eyes, she shivered involuntarily - it was as if she was looking through thick glass, protecting whatever was behind it. 

“I felt your nearness,” he finally spoke again. “And your anxiety… On my way to you, I met one of our children, a boy called Kipper. He told me he saw you wandering in the tunnels.”
“But I haven’t…” Catherine started, confused, pulling tighter the hand-sewn shawl that was now around her shoulders.
“You haven’t seen him, I know; he was hiding.” 

A hint of a smile changed Vincent’s distant expression for a brief moment. However, it vanished as soon as it appeared.
“It’s a good thing we found you, Catherine.”

Her confusion was palpable. “I thought I'd remember... I must have gotten turned around somehow. Everything seems so different... strange…”
The ways change, Catherine. For every safe road, there are a hundred paths that lead only to darkness.”

A sudden shiver made the cup in her hands shake on its saucer. Without proper thinking, she put it aside on the bed and got up, trying to cover the anxiety that still had a grip on her. But her widened eyes and folded arms in a protective posture spoke too clearly to Vincent to ignore it, even if he hadn’t felt it already. Unconsciously confirming the fact, she didn’t move further.

“I had to come. I had to see you. I was afraid…” Her voice was hesitant.
“I know,” Vincent replied softly with an almost inaudible, sad sigh, lowering his eyes. His straight posture hadn’t changed in an attempt to maintain some distance - not only the physical one. 

“You didn’t come. I called.” Catherine’s eyes were desperate, trying to break through the barrier between them, demanding an explanation. “I banged on the pipes… but you never came…”
“I could feel your fear, Catherine,” he explained. “Even now… I frighten you.”

Finally, she dared to step closer to him, her eyes full of determination.
“You taught me to face my fears always, Vincent. Tell me…”

His restraint weakened after her words. “What shall I tell you? That I am not this… shadow, this man-monster that you hunt? Must you hear the words before you trust?” His voice stressed every word, attempting to convey the truth to her. “It is not me.”

Suddenly, the familiar warmth returned to his deep blue eyes. His features softened as he made a couple of steps towards the confused woman in front of him, speaking gently.
“Catherine… I would never hurt you…”

Involuntarily, she stepped back, and her eyes widened even more. Utterly devastated, Vincent could feel her heart racing. He stepped back, observing her for a moment before walking past her to the other side of his chamber.

Catherine gasped when she turned around to look at him again. All at once, she felt a heavy boulder sitting on her chest. A bitter memory appeared in her mind - the moment when she threw the headlight at Vincent when seeing his face for the first time.

My God, all I do is hurting him... I hurt him so bad. 

“No, Vincent, no… “ The anguish was tearing her apart. “I’m sorry… didn’t mean…”
“... to pull away? I know,” he stated, feeling as if a knife had just cut through his heart.

He turned away from her again and walked on. However, he stopped after a few steps, raising his hand in frustration, striking at something imaginary in the air. As quick as the frustration came, it disappeared, and a lowered hand and a resigned sigh were all that remained.

“I know your heart, Catherine,” he said with a pained voice, his eyes focusing on her from across the chamber, “but sometimes the words that are not spoken are the truest words of all… however much they hurt.”

Catherine felt colder with each passing word. “What are you saying?” she asked fearfully.
“We both know what these hands can do, have done. Catherine… If your heart doesn’t trust, then no words I speak would help.”

Damn, why does truth have to hurt so much?

Catherine was unable to reply. Her tongue was bound by invisible chains, her heart tormented by doubts.

Resigned, Vincent picked up his cloak from the chair, swinging it over his arm.
“It’s time for you to go home,” he stated, expecting no reply or opposition.

And there was none. The still widened, scared eyes of the woman he loved so deeply were burning into his, her internal battle between her heart and mind so clearly reflected in them. She remained silent. He walked past her and stopped at the entrance to the chamber. Turning around to look at her, he waited.

Catherine realised any resistance was pointless. If she was not able to open her heart fully and listen to it, there was nothing more Vincent could have done. He was right - this wasn’t a matter of whether he did it or not; it was a matter of trust.

Without a word, though hanging her head low, she followed him out of the chamber. 

*** 

The same chill of the tunnels, the same walk, the same silence… There is only so much tension, that can be between two people who are at the crossroads between absolute connection or complete separation. Nothing can prepare them for that moment, and nothing can make the decision for either of them.

Catherine found herself desperately wishing for Vincent to talk while they were making their way to the threshold leading to her world. But the man in front of her leading the way just kept on walking wordlessly, looking straight ahead. It seemed as if he was indifferent to whatever was happening behind him. Yet Catherine knew that was not the case, not for the man who was so sensitive to everything around him, especially her. And it was she who caused him deep pain now…

Finally, they stopped at the threshold, both staring into the milky-white stream of light shining down to the basement from above. Catherine dared to look at his face, silently begging Vincent for eye contact so she could feel their connection again.

Say something, Vincent, anything... please...

He heard her unspoken plea in his heart, but couldn’t give her what she wanted. Not there, not at that moment, not with her being full of confusion, fear and opposing feelings.

 Forgive me, Catherine, but I cannot fight this battle for you...

It was a terrible struggle for him to not put his arms around her and offer her the consolation she was hoping for. His face was seemingly emotionless, but his eyes betrayed him. Those eyes, that Catherine looked into for the first time, and which burned a deep mark into her heart and soul for life. It was those eyes that now, on such a different occasion, were filled with sadness and pain too deep to speak about out loud.

Oh, God, what have I done?...

Vincent’s loud sigh broke the unbearable silence between them. He glanced at her one last time, then bowed his head, and with a heavy step, he walked away into the safety of the tunnels.

For a long while, Catherine’s eyes stared at the hole in the wall where his cloaked figure had disappeared before, unable to move. Her heart was crying for running after him, asking for forgiveness, but her mind was still struggling with doubts.

“Damnit!” She couldn’t help but swear.

 Frustrated, she turned on her heel to walk back up to her apartment. Only once she started climbing the ladder she noticed that the shawl Vincent gave her in his chamber was still around her shoulders…

※※※※※

 
His chamber felt colder that day. It unexpectedly warmed up Above that day, but it took a little longer for the warmer air to reach the Tunnels. Vincent usually kept the fire in his brazier all day long in winter months, but his recent apathy distracted him from his usual habits well into the late afternoon. Fire, as well as food, were secondary the day after his tense conversation with Catherine. His mind was numbed by melancholy, and try as he might, he was unable to get his head straight.

 “William made a special effort with dinner tonight,” Father tried to cheer his son up as they were sitting together at the chessboard in Vincent’s chamber.
“I have no doubts the result will be mouthwatering,” the younger man replied absently, staring at his Queen. His eyes had been fixed on the figure for a great while now.

Father raised his grey eyes to look at the man sitting opposite him. “Vincent, you have to give her time,” he changed the topic gently. “I told you; people up in her world live with that fear every day. They are bound to it by the way they live.”

Vincent finally lifted his piercing blue eyes from the chess figure and looked at his parent.
”I know, Father, that’s all I’ve been doing for days now. I know that it is her heart that has to find the truth and decide, but…” His gravelly voice faded.
“But what?” his parent enquired with interest.

His son abandoned their game, stood up briskly and started pacing. Suddenly, he was afraid to face the possible truth.
“What if she can’t fight her fear?” he breathed painfully.

Father sighed and leaned against the back of his chair. He wasn’t excited about the deep bond his son developed with the woman from Above, but his kind heart prevented him from not feeling sympathy for both young people.

“Then you will have to learn to live your life as before, without her in it,” he stated the naked truth. “No matter how painful that might be.” 

Vincent noticed a shadow of some unknown sorrow pass briefly in the older man’s eyes. He exhaled loudly, intending to reply, but words got stuck in his throat.

“How can I ever forget?? I will always feel her!” he questioned the possibility after a while with a strained voice.
“You won’t forget,” Father replied truthfully. “But with time, you will learn that your life still has a meaning, even without her in it.”

The hurtful look in his son’s eyes stung him at heart.

Trust me, Vincent, I know how you feel... 

But at that moment, the lion-man’s distress reached its peak. He grabbed for his cloak and almost ran out of the chamber, leaving his parent to the cold air and sorrowful brooding.

※※※※※

Catherine was tossing and turning in her bed. It was past midnight, but sleep stubbornly evaded her, reluctant to grant her stressed brain the much-needed rest. Too many confused thoughts and too many emotions were occupying it. On top of that, the air in her apartment felt stifling. She wasn’t sure whether it was because of her agitation or the sudden warmer winter weather that hit New York that day.

She got up and walked over to the balcony door. Catherine opened it and closed her eyes, letting the fresh air hit her face. She breathed a sigh of relief. But it was only temporary, for the balcony reminded her of Vincent again.

Returning to the main problem that prevented her from sleeping, she made her way back to the bed, leaving the balcony door half-open. After she laid down and covered herself more out of habit than necessity, she sighed.

Stop thinking, Cathy! Let your heart find the truth...

Physically and mentally exhausted, she closed her eyes. The curtains were dancing in the winter breeze, casting mysterious shadows on the walls and ceiling, and Catherine finally drifted into the land of dreams.


                          ***
 

Darkness… Dreary, heavy blackness all around… A sudden shadow of a dark, hooded figure, turning slowly towards her, changing into flashes of Vincent, roaring at his enemy.

There… the hooded, faceless figure again. Another look at Vincent, this time, speaking peacefully.

“It is not me...”

The hooded figure in the dark again.

The face of the cleaning lady with haunted, widened eyes.

“A terrible angel...”

 The face of Jace, after hearing herself speak.

“You’ve done anything?”

“Not as much as we’d like to...”

The hooded figure, approaching her slowly…

“Not as much as we’d like to...”
 

… coming to the light, revealing the figure’s face…

“Not as much as we’d like to...”

Catherine sat up on her bed, waking up immediately, a bead of sweat running down her neck. Her breathing was heavy, the shock from the realisation obvious.

“You fool…”

※※※※※

 

The balcony door in Catherine’s bedroom was open again a day later when she was sitting in her living room early morning, scribbling down some information she was gathering from the pile of law books on her desk. The sun has not even risen yet, but she needed to find a way to prosecute this man… 

In the back of her mind, she registered the news on the radio about the latest “rescue” act of the subway slasher last night; with each passing incident, he was becoming a bigger hero to the people travelling by subway every night.

Catherine automatically reached for her coffee cup, only to realise it was empty. Annoyed, she decided to ignore it and continued copying some lines from the book at her hand. She was so engrossed in her work that she almost missed the husky voice speaking from behind the opened balcony door.

“Catherine!”

Her head jerked in that direction, and her heartbeat fastened with light speed. She stood up and walked across the room to the balcony door with only a slight hesitation. When she joined him outside on the balcony, the light and relief in her eyes spoke for her. 

“I thought I might never see you again…”
“You have enough fear in your world,” Vincent said quietly, with a trace of sadness in his voice, “I could never bring you more.”

Unable to physically stay away from him, Catherine eagerly took his hands in hers.
“Vincent… Forgive me for doubting you!”
“Catherine… You’re right to be afraid,” he generously tried to wave off her mistrust from before.
“My heart knows how gentle you are,” Catherine said with deep conviction.

Touched by her renewed faith in him, he was still cautious. “Even the gentlest man has a demon locked inside of him.”
“Not you!” Her eyes admitted no other truth. “Not a demon…”

Vincent couldn’t help but smile a little. However, he quickly came to the reason for his early-morning visit.
“We’ve seen your vigilante,” he started. “He has a secret door from your subways to the older tunnels, the secret tunnels.”
“Vincent, if you could show me, I’ll go to the police; they’ll stake it out!”

He couldn’t get swept by her enthusiasm, though. He walked over to the balcony half-wall, leaning against it and looking out into the city lights.
“Catherine, there are a thousand miles of tunnels beneath this city, all of them connected. If the police find his door, they’ll search through all of them.”

She understood his worry immediately. There had to be another way…
“Then, we’ll do it another way, from Above, not Below. I promise you, Vincent, I won’t betray your world…” Her eyes were pinned to his face, willing him to show her the way. 

Vincent contemplated for a moment, the expression on his face one of incomprehension.
“They hunt for this man as they might hunt for me if they dreamed of my existence. You have your laws and court to tell right from wrong, the police to protect you. We have only ourselves… By what right do I condemn him? Am I so very different?”

Catherine broke the eloquent pause when she put her hand on his arm, making him look at her.
“Yes, Vincent… you are.”

The resolve and reflection of her absolute trust in him again undid him. He leaned against the half-wall again and bowed his head in resignation.
“Bring me a map…”

                                                                      ※※※※※

 
The night was slowly coming to its end when a few boys ran into Father’s study.
“Did you find him?” the patriarch asked.
“No, we didn’t,” Kipper, the youngest of the children replied. “The Abyss is very deep. We searched in the lower tunnels; some of them end at the Abyss in its lower levels. But it can go much deeper; there’s no way anybody could reach the bottom.”

“You’ve done your best, boys,” Vincent said when he joined them only moments later. “Now go to sleep, it’s almost a new day already. But thank you for your help,” he added gratefully.
“No worries, Vincent, anytime. Sometimes it comes in handy when we get lost down there," Zach, the oldest boy, teased his mentor. “Does it mean we don’t need to come to the class this morning?” He raised his eyebrows with hope.

Father felt the urge to laugh, but he controlled himself and let his son handle the situation.
“No, you don’t have to, Zach,” Vincent fulfilled the boy’s secret dream with an amused smile. “But only today.”
“Thanks!” The excitement in the children’s eyes was contagious as they ran out of the chamber one by one.

Vincent shook his head and chuckled. He walked over to his parent, who was sitting at one of his desks with a book in his hands.
“And I always thought they love literature classes with you,” Father remarked with a light-hearted tone in his voice.

“They do, but every child loves a little escape from duties every now and then,” his son replied. “As you surely remember, Father.” Suggestively, he raised his thick eyebrows in a teasing manner. 

Father couldn’t contain the laugh this time. “Yes, I’m afraid I rather do. Remind me never to embarrass myself again by telling others the adventures of my schoolboy days.”
Vincent’s deep chuckle ended the light-hearted part of the conversation.

“Are you sure there is no one else who knows the entry to our part of the Tunnels?” Father asked with concern.
“I am. Jace was the only one who managed to find his way to such a distance,” the younger man replied. “But I put extra sentry men on duty tonight, to be on the safe side.”

Father nodded, relieved. For a moment, he observed his son with curious eyes. Then he dared a question.
“And… Catherine? Is everything… all right between the two of you?”

Vincent’s smile answered for him, but he spoke anyway.
“Yes, everything is… all right,” he said softly, and Father noticed the little twinkle that had returned to his son’s striking blue eyes.
“Good, I’m… glad,” Father replied, with a shocking realisation that he truly meant it.

The warmth in his parent’s eyes made Vincent lean over to him and kiss the older man’s forehead.
“Thank you, Father,” he whispered before he turned on his heel and walked away.

The man who remained sitting in his vintage chair couldn’t help but smile.

※※※※※

It’s not dawn yet; I still have time. 

Vincent was silently making his way to Catherine’s balcony in the shadows away from the street lamps. His mind was finally getting back into a state of peace, and yet, he was still a bit nervous.

Catherine said she trusts me; there is no more fear in her...

Old habits die hard, though, and he had to stop thinking negatively again. A lifetime of conviction that no woman could ever desire his presence was difficult to chase away.

When he finally landed softly on the balcony floor, he noticed one of the French doors leading to her apartment was ajar. There was a mellow amber light filling the space inside. His sensitive nostrils recognised a pleasant smell of coffee.

“Catherine?” He knocked gently on the glass pane.

Within seconds, the woman he called opened the door fully to welcome him. In her eyes, he saw the relief and felt her heart tremble with joy - of seeing him again.
“Vincent!” Catherine exclaimed and embraced him with such enthusiasm that he had to back off a step. “I’m so glad you’re all right… I was up all night,” she whispered.

Nothing could have prepared him for such a welcome. He almost forgot to breathe at the feel of her soft body against his solid frame again. But the cut wound he sustained in the brief fight with Jace made him wince and gasp. Catherine pulled away from him and her eyes filled with worry.

"You’re hurt!” she stated, and Vincent could feel her anxiety rising.
“Nothing serious,” he tried to calm her down with a smile. “Only a small cut wound, Father tended to it. I guess I’m not used to opponents with… claws…”

The image of Vincent facing his physical self was strangely unsettling to both of them, and they just regarded each other for a beat.
It was Catherine who broke the silence then. “What happened?” she asked softly.

A deep sigh escaped her visitor’s throat before he answered.
“I chased him all the way to the Whispering Gallery. When he saw there was no way out, he tried to fight me. But then, some of the rotten slats on the bridge collapsed under my weight and I almost fell through. I was defenceless."

Vincent paused for a moment, acknowledging Catherine’s widened eyes, imagining the scene.
”He raised his hands to strike at me, but in the last moment, he looked into my eyes and… I could see his fight with himself, I could feel it… He dropped his hand and turned away. He reached for one of the ropes hanging nearby; he wanted to use it to swing to the other side of the Gallery. But the rope was old and tore under his weight. He fell into the Abyss.”

Catherine sighed and nodded, processing the information. So Jace wasn’t so tough in the end... She slowly disengaged herself from Vincent’s arms, and they started walking across the balcony to the half-wall edge.

“So you never found a body?” she inquired, pulling her thick cardigan tighter. Winter had returned to New York once again.

The children say that abyss goes down forever. Too deep and too dangerous for us to plumb.” They stopped, and Vincent looked into her eyes. “He's dead, Catherine... and his shadow has lifted from your heart.

A bittersweet expression settled on her face.
The killings will stop, but they'll never know. Never know if he's dead or gone or just...waiting down there until he's needed again... like King Arthur.” She smiled. “I think Jace would like that.

Vincent didn’t reply; his eyes focused on the purple and pink stripes of breaking dawn on the horizon. Catherine joined him for a moment.
“How can one man have so much courage and empathy and passion and so little mercy?” She was uncomprehending.

Finally, his face relaxed, and he looked at her again.
Perhaps he lost it somewhere. But he found it again in the end.” A small smile accompanied his knowing reply. 

Catherine smiled, and her eyes were unable to leave his. Suddenly, she felt her heart beat in her throat, and her mouth felt dry.
“What is it, Catherine?” Vincent asked with concern.
“I… I was afraid,” she replied faintly.

He sighed and lowered his eyes for a moment. The painful memory resurfaced in his heart and stung him again. “I know.”
“No,” Catherine halted him, shaking her head. “I mean, the other night, that you might never come back to me again. That was a much greater fear than the one before…”

Vincent’s eyes filled with tenderness.  “I will always come back to you, Catherine. As long as you want me to…”
The beaming smile on her face could have melted an iceberg at that moment.
“Forever,” she whispered, burning her wish into his eyes and heart.

When she leaned her head against his chest and embraced him, he looked into the sunrise ahead of him. He would have to leave soon to make it safely back to the Tunnels. But not before he pulled the woman in his arms closer and closed his eyes to savour the feeling of triumph - and love...

 

※※※※※

  

FEAR
 

It is said that before entering the sea

a river trembles with fear.
 

She looks back at the path she has traveled,

from the peaks of the mountains,

the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

 
And in front of her,

she sees an ocean so vast,

that to enter there

seems nothing more than to disappear forever.
 

But there is no other way.

The river can not go back.
 

Nobody can go back,

To go back is impossible in existence.
 

The river needs to take the risk

of entering the ocean

because only then will fear disappear,

because that’s where the river will know

it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,

but of becoming the ocean.
 

- Khalil Gibran -

 

 

Monday, 13 February 2023



All Things Are Possible
Beauty and the Beast fan-made trailer
 

I made this video over a year ago, the first "trailer" I ever made, and it was fun to create. :)

 

This Is Where You Go Out

by Michelle


Note:   Certain dialogue was taken from the Pilot episode ‘Once Upon A Time In New York’, from the Beauty and the Beast TV series, written by Ron Koslow.

※※※※※

“No… No!” she cried, waking up in panic from the nightmare.
“You’re safe, you’re safe now…”

That voice… 

She felt her panic disappear immediately. The male voice which just spoke to her was unlike anything she’d ever heard before. The quiet deep gravel velvet tone made her feel like melting inside…

“Where am I?” she asked hoarsely.
“Where no one will hurt you. You’re safe here,” the voice replied calmly.
“Hospital?”
“No… But you’re going to be all right.”

She wasn’t sure why, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she believed him. On the other hand, doubt crept into her head.
“Why aren’t I in a hospital?”
“There was no time, you were bleeding.”

Fair enough, whoever it was, her welfare was obviously a priority for them.

“What did they do?” she asked, and fear struck her as she touched the place where her eyes were under the layers of bandages. Her whole head apart from the mouth area was bandaged over. “My eyes?!”
“Your eyes were never hurt, we made sure,” the voice said reassuringly again, and she calmed down and sighed.
“Rest now…” he said.
“All right…”

She had so many questions to ask, was confused and scared, but she felt too tired to investigate further at that time, and the cosy and warm blanket covering her was welcoming her to drift away peacefully. All that mattered was that she was alive and safe. Safe… well, he said that. But who was he? She will ask, soon, for now, his word was enough. She trusted him, she trusted that voice…

He observed her for a moment, as she drifted into sleep, and then sat down to watch over her.

※※※※※

Only an hour had passed when she awakened again. She heard a quiet noise as if somebody turned a page of a book.

“Who’s there? Who are you?” she asked just slightly worried.
“Vincent,” came the reply from the gravel voice she heard before.
“Vincent…” she repeated quietly and at once, she felt warm inside.

“My father and I treated your injuries.” Catherine quickly tried to sit up, but a sharp pain sent her back down to the pillows, gasping. “You have broken ribs, you need to be still,” he added quickly and urgently.

“Where am I?”
“Where no one can hurt you.”
“My face hurts…” Her voice broke.

 “Tell me your name…” Vincent tried to distract her from the pain.
“Catherine.”
“Catherine…” the voice repeated, and she felt her heart tremble at the way he said it.
“Try to rest. If you need anything, I’ll be close by…” 

He took a few steps to walk away, then he stopped and added urgently but gently. “Don’t be afraid. Please, don’t be afraid…”

Something about the way Vincent said it reached her deep inside. Suddenly, she felt at peace.
“I’ll try…” she said quietly.

≈≈≈≈
 

Catherine was lying still, listening to the sounds around her. It was strange how, now that she wasn't able to see, her hearing was much more focused as she tried to understand where she could be. The blanket she was covered with was thick and quilted as she could feel. Patches of mostly cotton and leathery fabrics were used for it, and it felt very cosy, keeping her pleasantly warm.

Daddy will be scared to death where I am… she thought suddenly. But she had no more time to contemplate about it, as she heard someone approaching her.

“How do you feel?” Vincent asked with deep care in his voice.
Catherine sighed but tried to sound not too negative.
“A bit better, I guess…”

He knew she was in pain and admired how she tried to hide it from him.
“Father gave me more antibiotics for you, you should take them now.”
“Okay,” Catherine replied blankly and tried to pull out her arm from under the blanket but felt terribly weak to do it and sighed. 

“Don’t strain yourself, please!” Vincent said quickly. “I’ll put the tablets on a spoon so you can swallow them. I will raise your pillows a bit now because I need to support you a little. Please, don’t be afraid.
“I’m not,” she said calmly, and he could feel she really wasn’t.

Catherine felt his long arm slip very gently under her shoulders, his elbow supporting her head as he slipped another big quilted pillow under her head. She could smell the scent of candle wax, old leather, wool and ….yes, summer rain.

He smells really nice...

Once she was in a slightly raised position, Vincent said.
“I will give you the medicine now.

She hesitated for a moment and then opened her mouth a little. When feeling a spoon on her bottom lip, she took the tablets in her mouth. The next thing she felt was the cool touch of glass and she took a few sips of water to swallow the tablets.
“Thank you,” Catherine said quietly.

“I brought you some soup as well, beef stew. You need to eat to regain your strength.”
“I am a bit hungry…” she said shyly and heard him chuckle.
“I’m glad to hear it. It’s not too hot, so don’t worry, you won’t get burnt,” he remarked.

Catherine attempted to move her arm for the second time but with no use again.
"Please!” Vincent intervened. “I will feed you.”

She relaxed and a hint of a smile appeared on her full lips, then she opened her mouth to receive the first spoonful.

“Do you like it?” Vincent inquired after she had a few spoonfuls.
Catherine swallowed after chewing for a moment and answered truthfully.
“It’s good soup.”

 Then, her thoughts returned to her constant question.
“Vincent, tell me… Where are we? Somewhere there’s an elevated train… Brooklyn? Queens?”
“No… Not Brooklyn or Queens,” he replied quietly.
“Am I still in New York?? Vincent… please, tell me… Where are we?” Her fear was rising again as she begged.

“I have to keep it a secret,” he replied evasively.
“Why?”
"Because…a lot of good people depend on this place for safety.” Vincent was reluctant to reveal too much.
“I’ll keep your secret… And that tapping, it never stops!”

“It’s people, talking to each other, tapping on the master pipes.”
“You mean… messages?”
“Mmhm.”
“Vincent, please? Tell me…”

The quiet plea finally broke him, and he spoke with a deep voice, while he continued feeding her the stew.
“We’re below the city, below the subways. There’s a whole world of tunnels and chambers that most people don’t even know exists. There are no maps for it. It’s a forgotten place. But it’s warm and it’s safe and we have all the room we need. So we live here and we try to live as well as we can. We try to take care of each other. It’s our city, down here.”

“What are you doing down here? Why are you here?” Catherine asked with genuine interest. She was intrigued by what she had just heard. Unconsciously, she managed to pull out her arm from under the blanket, her hand was resting on her chest now. 

“I was a baby, abandoned, left to die… Someone found me, brought me here to the man who became my father. He took me, he raised me, he taught me everything. He named me Vincent, that’s where I was found - near the hospital, St.Vincent’s… “

It sounded almost like a fairy tale to Catherine. Her heart was telling her to trust, but her mind was still torn.
“I don’t know what to believe…”
“It’s all true,” Vincent said calmly and she believed him.

She felt a spoon nearing her mouth again and suddenly, she felt an urge to touch him, to add a solid form to this beautiful voice. Quicker than Vincent could realise, she touched his hand - and pulled away in a second with a gasp of shock.

The hand was covered with something that felt like soft furry hair…

***

For a long moment, there was silence. Catherine was trying to rationalise what she just felt with her own hand. Vincent was dead quiet.

Then Catherine swallowed and spoke hesitantly.
“I… I must have touched the sleeve edge of your… sweater…”

Still nothing.

“I’m sorry… I think it’s still the shock from what happened….”
She heard Vincent’s deep sigh. Something in it alarmed her, it sounded like he was in pain.
“Please, don’t be angry with me, Vincent…”

He raised his head, hearing her desperate plea and whispered.
“I could never be angry with you, Catherine…”
There, her heart trembled again when he said her name…

“Do you like books?” he asked, changing the topic.
“Yes…I do,” she said.
“I could read you something if you wished?”

The thought of listening to that soothing gravel voice for a longer time sounded very inviting to her.
“That would be nice,” Catherine said quietly and attempted a smile.

Vincent stood up, put the empty plate on the bedside table and walked away from the bed. When he stopped at the mantelpiece, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath. Then he reached for an old leather-bound edition of one of his favourite novels and walked back to his chair at Catherine’s bed. He sat down, opened the book and started reading.

“My father’s family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make both of names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip….” (1)

※※※※※
 

Days passed spent with a steady routine. Vincent always brought her the meals, though the food was mostly solid so he didn’t need to feed her any more and if there was soup, he brought it in a mug, so she could drink it. A kind older (judging by her voice) woman named Mary would help her to the bathroom and back and with dressing. Vincent’s father would regularly check on her. 

She would rest in bed most of the day, and, if she wasn’t sleeping, Vincent would keep her company - reading to her, talking to her, listening to her. She found out Vincent was very sophisticated, had a profound knowledge of classical music and classical literature, he especially loved poetry - things that were her great loves as well. They spoke about her life and exchanged funny stories from childhood, which allowed her only a few glimpses into the world Below. And although she still hasn’t seen his face because of the bandages on her head, she felt like they had been friends forever. 

Yes, friends, best friends… she thought and had to smile. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so pleasant, so comfortable and at ease with a man, especially a man who not only spoke but truly listened to her and whose main interest was her own well-being and comfort.
In fact, I have never felt like this with any man…

It was the tenth day of her stay Below. She was grateful to Vincent for all the care and enjoyed his company immensely, but over the past couple of days, he could feel the fear growing inside of her - the fear of what she’d find out once the bandages came off and she saw what those men did to her…

When Catherine woke up from her afternoon nap, she knew she was alone. She grew restless again and impatiently sat up on the bed. The uncertainty was slowly killing her and she desperately wanted to find out what damage had been done to her face.

She stood up shakily, as her legs were still a bit weak from all the lying in bed. She made a step forward and almost tripped over a footstool. She stretched her arms ahead and made a few more steps, trying to explore the place. Suddenly she stopped as some strange feeling inside told her she was not alone any more.

I know you’re there… You can come in, she said, resigned.
Vincent felt her despair and tried to find a way to calm her down. I’ll read to you.
She turned her head up ahead to where his voice was coming from.
It won’t help, Catherine said resigned.
It might… We can finish Great Expectations. Do you remember how it ended?

Catherine’s voice broke and she spoke shakily.
Vincent, I’m frightened… I’m worried… if she could, she would cry.
I know… I can feel it. You’re getting your strength back… I’ll get you some tea, the herb tea you liked, he said with a lighter voice.
Okay...” She nodded and sounded a bit calmer.

When she was sure he was gone, Catherine reached up to the back of her head, searching for a way to take off the bandages. Her fingers were trembling and it took a while but she finally succeeded. When her skin hit the cool fresh air, it was a bit of a shock, but she quickly adjusted to it and soon, the skin felt normal again. Her hands came to her face and she felt stitches on larger areas as she traced them.

Her fear was growing again and she was frantically looking around to find a mirror. Only on the surface, she was taking in images of the environment - a chamber carved in rock, a bronze statue of Lady Justice, and a stone column reminiscent of an ancient Greek pillar at the entrance, a big bed where she had laid for days with quilted blanket, worn-out pillows and cushions, a large fan-style yellow and green stained glass window illuminated from behind, lots of candles all around, an ornamental iron mantelpiece from an old fireplace and a chest of drawers with lots of bric-a-bracs, a massive old wooden wardrobe, a large bookshelf full of old books, a brazier with fire inside warming the chamber. One thing was missing, though - a mirror.

Finally, her eyes spotted an old piece of a headlight on the mantelpiece. She took it and looked at its reflective surface. Her eyes widened in horror as she whispered.
Oh, God! No…

As she was staring at her reflection, seeing several long slashes across her face, temporarily fixed by countless stitches, horrified by her own image, she suddenly heard him behind her.
Catherine!

She turned around quickly and saw him for the first time - and with a scream of shock, she threw the headlight in his direction, hitting his forehead. He let out a growl showing his sharp canines and then just stared at her, his expression turning into shame and his eyes reflecting a terrible pain inside.

Catherine was staring at him still shocked and with widened eyes, she was half-processing what she was looking at and half-realising what she had just done. The voice belonged to Vincent. The unbelievable thing was that knowing the soft and velvet gravel shade of it, she would never have imagined such an appearance - Vincent was very tall, probably over six feet, strongly built with broad shoulders, had a long golden mane, furry hands with claws and a face of an animal…

He turned around and vanished as quickly as he appeared.

Catherine made a few steps as if to follow him but then she stopped and started sobbing before she slumped on the bed again, sitting with her head down and crying.

                                                                         ※※※※※

She didn’t know how long she had been crying, but when she stopped, her head still deep down, Catherine was thinking how cruel she had been to Vincent. He had been nothing but kind, gentle and generous to her, nursing her with patience and care, treating her better than anyone she had ever known apart from her mother… and in return for his kindness, she had hurt him badly both, outwardly and inside…. She knew that the tears she shed were for both, the destroyed image of her face and for the way she treated him.

Suddenly, she heard a slight rustle at the entrance to the chamber. Vincent was standing there, leaning against the edge of the entrance, covered by a long cloak with a hood over his head. For the first time, she noticed his clothes - he was wearing an old white woollen sweater, a grey quilted vest, black pants with different coloured patches on his knees, a buckled belt and high boots made of different types of leather and fur. The cloak reaching down to his feet was made of patches of black and brown leather and fabric pieces. For a second, Catherine thought how unusual but how fitting to him and she couldn’t imagine a more suitable style for him.

I never regretted what I am…. until now… he said quietly, looking at her, deep sadness in his voice.

She looked up at him. With half of his face in the shadow of the hood, she was looking at him with narrowed eyes in curiosity.

How?… How did this happen to you?
I don’t know…. I have ideas… he nearly whispered, his eyes still focused on hers. For all I know, I was born… and I survived.

Vincent stepped closer, his majestic figure towering over her.
It’s time for you to go back.

Catherine’s eyes were pleading in frustration.
Tell me it’s a nightmare… that it didn’t happen… that it can’t be…
Vincent shook his head slightly. It’s not a nightmare. It happened… you’re alive.

Catherine looked away in misery. He knelt in front of her, most of his face still in the shadow of the hood.
Catherine… You survived… he said softly, but she looked away.

Survived, but with what face? 
she thought to herself.

Vincent saw her frustration and continued.
What you’ve endured will make you stronger, better…
She slowly looked at him.

I don’t have your strength… I don’t know how to do it… The expression on her face changed from frustration into sadness.

You have the strength, Catherine… you do… I know you, Vincent said resolved.

Suddenly, she wanted to believe him, no… she did believe him… At that moment, she forgot about her own misery and realised how much strength it must have cost him to face her after how she reacted to his appearance and how he was trying to protect her by hiding his face in the hood. She felt a strong urge to see him properly.

Her hands moved up to the edge of his cloak. Vincent pulled back an inch holding his breath but then stood still. She pulled the hood slowly down to his shoulders. Observing the unique leonine features of his face lined with a golden mane of long hair falling over his shoulders - flat nose covered with fine short golden hair, strong cheekbones, cleft upper and full bottom lip, stubbly cheeks and chin - she wasn’t afraid, she was mesmerised.

And it was the first time she truly looked into his eyes - magnetic, feline-shaped, deep sapphire-blue eyes, warm, kind, honest, caring, observing. At first, they were moving from side to side as those of a frightened animal, cornered by an attacker, but after a few seconds, they steadied and her gaze met his.

Vincent saw the emerald green of her big eyes, and the acceptance, compassion, empathy, warmth and kindness he saw in them struck him like lightning. They both felt a change inside, around their heart, an unexpected warm feeling, something unidentified pulling them together. Catherine’s lips stretched into a heartfelt smile which made his heart skip a beat.

At that moment, even if he had any doubts before, Vincent knew for sure that he was bound to this woman by his heart forever…

Still in a daze, he attempted a hint of a smile letting his breath out. After a moment, he stood up, holding out her coat and scarf to her.
It’s time... he said quietly.

The smile faded from Catherine’s face and suddenly she felt sad. And afraid. How could she go back to that world? Will she really be strong enough as Vincent thought? She wanted to believe him and although she knew it would be hard, she wanted to try. For herself. For him… He put his trust in her….

She took the coat and scarf from his hand - it was clawed and its back was covered with ginger fur but his palm looked like a normal hand. It wasn’t a sweater then…

Catherine sighed and looked up at him with a bitter-sweet smile.
Give me ten minutes, please…

Vincent nodded and walked out of the chamber.

She slowly rose to her feet and reached to the end of the bed for her neatly folded and cleaned clothes and shoes that she was wearing on the night of the attack. She noticed someone had carefully mended the tear on her evening coat. She changed into her clothes, put the coat on and wrapped the silk scarf around her neck. Then she folded the nightshirt she was wearing and suddenly, she felt strange leaving it behind. It was long, put together from large pieces of white cotton fabrics, sewn together with large stitches of brown leather. Such an unusual piece of clothing but she felt so comfortable and warm in it…

Then, she looked around Vincent’s chamber, illuminated by candles and the soft yellow glow from behind the stained window. 

I wish I could have got to know this place better, I’ll miss it… I’ll miss him…

***

As they were walking through the tunnels making their way up towards Above, Catherine found the courage to bring up something which was bothering her ever since it happened. She stopped walking looking at Vincent who turned around to face her.

I am… so sorry for what I’ve done… There is no excuse for it… Catherine said in shame, her eyes pleading with him for forgiveness.

Vincent looked at her seriously, knowing that she meant throwing the headlight at him in shock when she first saw his face. In his heart, he could feel that she was truly upset about her act.
There is no need for apologising, Catherine; I scared you and you reacted, he said quietly with a sad but non-judgemental tone.

Yes, but it was wrong and I hurt you, not just physically… Can you… forgive me, please? Her eyes were full of shame and guilt.
Vincent’s look softened.
All is forgotten, Catherine, don’t worry yourself about it any more, please.
He tried to reassure her about his words so he gave her a little smile.

Catherine still wasn’t convinced it was enough to make him feel better, but that smile made her smile, too. She couldn’t describe it but there was something about him that was pulling her to him. Was it the deep, calm and honest look of his sapphire blue eyes? The graceful way of his walk? Or maybe the gentle way of caring for her well-being? Or the almost whispering gravel velvet voice, comforting her and almost hypnotising her especially when he was reading to her? Probably, it’s all of it combined, she thought and sighed. 

They continued walking until they reached a place with two large thick draining pipes which they had to cross over. There was a gap between them and Vincent crossed it with one jump. Assessing the distance she had to jump and the still present blunt pain in her two broken ribs, Catherine called after him. Wait!

V
incent turned to her and reached his hand out to her.
You can do it, give me your hand, he encouraged her and waited.

Catherine didn’t hesitate, she trusted him fully, ever since she heard his voice for the first time. She put her small hand into his large one and felt the soft furry hair on its back, the padded-like skin of his palm (the texture of which made her aware that he was not unfamiliar with hard labour), the lightest touch of the claws on his fingers. Touching his hand accidentally a few days ago may have scared her, fearing the unknown, but now, all she felt was the comfort, warmth and gentleness of his hold. She has never felt safer holding anyone else’s hand before.

She jumped across the pipes and landed on the platform next to him. The impact with the hard ground caused her slight pain in the ribcage but she expected that anyway and just lightly touched the painful area instinctively, frowning briefly.

Are you in much pain? Vincent asked concerned, still holding her hand.
No, I’m fine, she replied smiling at him.

Those deep blue eyes are truly magnificent… Catherine thought, moved by his look.

Vincent released her hand and on the narrow platform, he let her squeeze by him to walk in front, putting his arm very gently around her waist for a moment to protect her from falling into the gap between the platform and one of the pipes. She felt a slight tremble all over her body as he did that - and she liked it.

What is happening to me??

They walked for about twenty more minutes when they crossed a narrow passageway and ended up at a threshold of something which looked like an unfinished door opening in a brick wall where Vincent stopped and turned around to her slowly.

Catherine, a bit confused, looked around and then on the left behind the threshold where she could see a single ray of light penetrating through the shadows and falling on the concrete ground a few metres away from them.

Vincent sensed her unasked question and answered. “This is where you go out.”
"Where are we?” Catherine asked, still puzzled.
“In the basement of your apartment building,” the leonine man replied.
“We are??” she asked in astonishment, her mouth breaking into a smile.

Vincent laughed quietly but his smile faded quickly as he looked away from her and leaned against the brick wall looking down, his otherwise majestic tall figure slightly bent over, suddenly looking vulnerable.

Catherine’s smile vanished too and she could sense his sadness, mirroring her own. For ten days, she had a safe sanctuary, a peaceful magical place with the most wonderful companion she could have ever dreamed of. Someone who in such a short time became the best friend she ever had, someone who truly knew the real Catherine. And now, the magic was about to end and she was to be thrown back into the deep waters of her own world. How can she ever thank him enough for what he has done for her? For her life, newly found courage and strength? Without him, she wouldn’t be standing here.

She was just about to walk towards the light but suddenly couldn’t move. She turned to look at Vincent and spoke seriously.

“Your secret is safe with me, Vincent... I would never betray your trust.”

Vincent’s voice was quiet and sad.

“I know… I knew that from the beginning… when you trusted me…” Suddenly, he felt his heart clamping and a lump forming in his throat.

The pain in his voice and the sight of him broke Catherine and without hesitation, she reached out to touch his chest, stepped to him and slowly laid her head against his shoulder burying her face in his thick golden mane, breathing in his unique scent. She couldn’t understand why, but it felt so right to do it, it felt like this was the place she was meant to be, with him, right now, forever…

She smiled with her eyes closed and all at once, she felt his right arm very carefully and gently embracing her as if she was a precious glass ornament that could break at the slightest pressure and she heard a sigh escaping his throat. She looked up and saw his head leaning against the wall, eyes closed and he was breathing heavily as if desperately trying to fight some unidentified feeling rising in him and yet, at the same time basking in it.

Catherine smiled again and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt truly happy and asked quietly while gently stroking his hair falling over his chest.
“What can I say to you…?”

Before Vincent could answer, voices from the basement above them broke the silence and Catherine looked into the light slightly scared.

When she turned back, she found Vincent had gone, and she called out his name but without any response. Suddenly, she felt very sad and lonely. Her eyes were burning from tears trying to break through, but after one last look into the place where Vincent disappeared, she swallowed, took a deep breath, covered her head with a scarf she had around her neck, bravely crossed the threshold and walked into the ray of light.

※※※※※


Eight months. Was it even possible it had been already eight months since she was attacked? The eight loneliest months of her life...

The face surgery was hard. Not the procedure itself or the outcome, but her state of mind before and after it.

When she was under anaesthesia, she had a wild dream about her running around her father’s law firm, people staring at her scared face, laughing behind her back, even her boyfriend Tom humiliating her in front of others and laughing at her because ‘she showed promise but turned out to be a loser’. She kept running, though she wasn’t sure whether she was trying to escape from somewhere or running to somewhere, or someone… She tripped and fell to her knees panicked, shocked, belittled, defeated… And then, among all the laughing madness she looked up and saw him. His tall figure stood in the shadow of his in the rock-carved chamber, the caring look of his deep blue eyes encouraging and supporting her.

You can do it, Catherine…

When she woke up from the anaesthetics after the surgery, the only wish she had was that someone would read her the last chapter of Great Expectations. Vincent read the whole novel to her while she was recovering from the attack down Below, but she was ready to return to her world just when they had one last chapter to go. During those eight months, she often thought of getting herself a copy of the book to finish it as the story truly engrossed her, but every time she reached for it in some bookstore, she put it back down, thinking it would be sacrilege - only he could finish reading it to her, without hearing his voice, the magic wouldn’t be there…

How she longed for hearing that voice again… It was haunting her even in her dreams, but haunting her beautifully, especially since she started working at The District Attorney’s Office. The memory of it calmed her, soothed her tired mind and seeing so many atrocities happening every day, caressed her wounded heart.

The decision to leave her father’s corporate law firm and start working for the D.A.’s Office came to her quite soon after the surgery. After spending time with Vincent, listening to him speaking about his world, the people in it, their reasons why they left the world above, and all the pain and injustice they brought with them to heal their hurt souls, it opened her eyes. She never felt comfortable with being a corporate lawyer, the results of her work didn’t bring her satisfaction.

Catherine had wished to do something meaningful, something which would make difference in people’s lives. But she was keeping her desire hidden for a long time, especially from her father, who saw himself in her and she knew that. However, the attack changed everything for her - her attitude to life, to work, to herself, to what is truly important and most of all, that she can’t hide but must follow the path she considers to be right. Vincent changed everything for her, in the best possible way she could have ever imagined.

Catherine still remembered the look on her father’s face when she told him she was leaving and why. The shock, sadness and a hint of disappointment were inevitable and it didn’t make her happy. But she knew there was no other way. And in the end, Charles Chandler accepted his daughter’s choice because he loved her and wished only the best for her only this time, it was her who chose what was best for her and he had to trust her.

The first month at the District Attorney’s Office was tough. She was overloaded with fieldwork, files and files of cases she had to go through. Her lazy working days at her father’s office were long gone. She was at work before 8 am, never leaving before 7 pm, and she still had the feeling that she was behind.

But as days went by, even her boss Joe Maxwell started seeing that she is not just a pretty face but can work hard, too. He noticed that she was trying to prove herself and her progress was slow but steady and he soon began relying on her. And when Catherine finally completed her first case, for the first time in years, she felt really proud of herself. And the fact that Joe recognized her effort did make it even better. She had his back now and it felt good. Her life was finally getting a real purpose - she was helping people who were the same victims as she was on that fateful April night.

Her life was getting better, more meaningful, more cherished. Yet, she still felt incomplete - she was missing Vincent.

Even after eight long months, Catherine couldn’t forget about the calming sound of his soul-mending voice, the expressiveness of his deep blue eyes, the gentle hold of his hand, the warmth of his careful embrace, the radiating glow of his presence. She hadn’t seen him for eight months now, but somehow he was still with her - deep down inside her heart.

She was still seeing Tom but realised she felt nothing towards this man any more. In fact, she started wondering what was it that made her start dating him over a year ago. And it was that night, that she decided to say goodbye to him and so she did. He wasn’t happy about it, he tried to force himself into her apartment, but that made Catherine even more decisive that she did not want to have anything to do with Tom any more and parted with him for good.

When she closed the door of her apartment right after, she felt the best she had felt in the last few months, as if a burden had been lifted from her. She was finally free. To do what? She wasn’t sure, but it made her heart lighter anyway.

※※※※※

Deep down below the city, Vincent was sitting in his velvet-padded high chair with Father piercing him with his scrutinizing grey eyes.
“You cannot do this to yourself… It’s been eight months, you must let go of her! She can only bring you unhappiness…”

Vincent’s eyes shot up to his father’s and like a lightning, he bolted from his chair.
“Then I’ll be unhappy!… But I can’t forget her!”
A bittersweet smile appeared on Father’s face as Vincent continued.
“We’re still connected… I can feel what she’s feeling, I know what she’s thinking… When she’s frightened, when she’s happy or sad…”

“Vincent, your senses, your empathic power are quite… extraordinary… It’s your gift and these powers have been heightened by the concern and love that you feel…” Father tried to be gentle with his son. “But don’t let your act of kindness destroy you!”

Vincent looked at the book in his hands as he realised the inevitable.
“Maybe I have no choice…”

※※※※※

It was already late, but Catherine Chandler still wanted to go over a file of a case she brought home from work. She started taking the paperwork out of her briefcase, sitting on her bed when suddenly, she thought she heard some noise on the balcony outside of her bedroom. She looked out but saw nothing, so continued browsing in her papers. Then, she heard something again. Her senses, strengthened by the self-defence training she had been getting for a few months now, made her alert. Catherine opened the drawer of her bedside table and carefully pulled out a revolver she bought shortly after she started working for the D.A.’s office. She had been keeping it there only for moments of real urgency as she didn’t want to end up like so many Americans carrying a gun everywhere she went.

With the revolver in her hand, she carefully walked to the French door leading out to the balcony and unlocked it, opening it wide. Her heartbeat fastened as her eyes landed on the wrought iron bench ahead of her and the old leather-bound book lying on it. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. She gasped, her eyes widened and if hope had wings, she would have been flying at that moment when she was frantically looking around until her look steadied on the tall dark cloaked figure standing in the shadow in the corner.

“Vincent!” her voice cried in excitement.

He stepped down from the recess in the corner but was unable to move, the pure sight of her bewitched his heart and soul over again.

Her feet were quicker than Catherine thought and when she was within a step from him, she stopped for a second, contemplating whether she was allowed to do what her heart desired but then she dropped all courtesy and conventions and fell into his arms, embracing him tightly, her face buried in his chest and breathing in his scent deeply - it was unlike any man’s scent she’d ever known before, a mixture of candle wax, old leather, wool and fresh summer rain, all reflecting the smells of the world Below.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you… I’m sorry…” Vincent said quietly and Catherine’s heart skipped a beat when she heard that familiar velvet tone of his deep gravel voice.
“No! I’m so glad to see you!” Her face was positively glowing with a beaming smile.

Vincent suddenly saw Catherine’s face in full light - the scars were gone. Only one had remained, a line alongside her left ear but it wasn’t visible when strands of hair were covering the part of her face. His hopeful expression faded, a shadow of sorrow overcast his deep blue eyes.

“Your face…” he said faintly.
“They fixed it…” Catherine said and suddenly understood the reason for his sadness.

Before, her scared face made her somehow similar to him, the disfigurement brought them closer in a way. But now, the differences between them were too great and he felt like an intruder in her world. He must have felt unworthy of any friendship she might have offered him.

“Come inside…” she said trying to chase his doubts away but he started pulling back away from her.
“No… I must go…” He turned to leave.
”No! Not yet!” Catherine cried desperately.
"I should never have come here!” his quiet but tormented voice was hurting her ears.

She grabbed his arm and made him face her.
“Vincent! I’m glad you did…” her voice turned softer and she was looking him deep in the eyes. “Come here, sit down…” She pointed at a bench and they sat down, still facing each other.

 Catherine put the revolver on the floor beside her and a smile and an expression of utter joy returned on her face when she looked at Vincent.

“I wanted to see you…” Vincent started. “There are so many things I wanted to tell you…”
Catherine sighed, taking his hands in hers gently.
“I have so many things to tell you…” she said.
“I know…”

Catherine looked away for a second, trying to find the right words.
“It’s been hard, Vincent… I’m learning to be strong.” She smiled again at him.
“I know,” he said gently and she could see a smile appear on his unique leonine face. “Catherine… I feel the things you feel when you do.”
“How do you mean?”

“Just know that it’s true… And that your pain is my pain. Sometimes… it is almost as if we are one… I came here because I wanted to see you are well.” Vincent tried to cover the main reason for his appearance that night, but his voice was suddenly overshadowed with pain. “But also because I wanted to see you… one last time…”

His look met Catherine’s again and her eyes reflected a shock that she couldn’t hide.
“I’ll never see you again?!”

Vincent looked absent-mindedly into the thousands of city lights on the skyline.
“I’ve seen your world, there’s no place for me in it,” he shook his head. “I know what I am… And I know that your world is filled with frightened people. I remind them of what they’re most afraid of.”

A deep veil of sadness fell over Catherine’s face as she spoke. “Their own ignorance.”
Vincent corrected her quietly.
“Their aloneness.”
She nodded with a bittersweet smile. “Yes…”
“So… now I have to begin to forget.” 

A cold feeling of fear hit Catherine like a lightning. “Forget me??”
He looked back into her eyes, his features softened and he whispered with a smile.
”No… I’ll never forget you….”
Catherine shivered and smiled at him before he continued sadly.
"But I must forget the dream of being a part of you…Find someone, Catherine, to be part of… Be happy…Goodbye…”

Vincent rose to his feet ready to climb down the 18 floors again, but she grabbed his one hand, reaching out for the other one. Despair and anxiety were written all over her face, he felt her heart beating quicker; her urgent voice pleaded.

“No! Not yet! There’s still time, it’s still dark!… Don’t leave…”

Ever so slowly, Vincent’s free furry and clawed hand gently took the delicate hand so desperately reaching out in his, his own reason telling him to leave now and forever failing him completely as he utterly surrendered to the desire of his heart. And when a lovely smile graced her beautiful face, he knew he was lost forever…

He sat back down on the bench. Catherine asked him if he wanted to come in as it was warmer inside, but Vincent was reluctant to enter her private space, so she rose in excitement asking him to wait a minute and ran off into her apartment only to reappear within a moment wrapped in a warm cardigan.

She told him about all the events of the previous eight months, including the new job and why she decided to do it, what a big role his influence had on it. Vincent was humbled and tried to tell her it was her own kind and gracious heart that lead her to a profession where she could truly help people in need. But Catherine just shook her head and smiled.

“Maybe partially yes, but it was you who made me believe I could do it.”
A warm smile brightened his bronze-coloured face, reaching up to his eyes.
“Shall we finish Great Expectations, Vincent?” she asked with enthusiasm.
“I would love that, Catherine…” he replied quietly.

She took the book he brought her and sat down on the bench next to the one he was sitting at. Vincent put his feet up on the edge of the bench, embracing his knees and resting his head on top of them, looking at Catherine warmly as she started reading the long-overdue last chapter of Great Expectations. Yes, for such a long time, she thought only he could read it to her, but now that the moment had come, she wanted to repay his kindness to her from eight months ago and took over the role of the reader and enjoyed it thoroughly. As long as he was there to listen…

“And as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so the evening mists were rising now; and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her.” (2)

Catherine closed the book with a smile, wiping a solitary tear away from her cheek.
Moved by her emotions, Vincent put his legs down from the bench and leaned forward to hold her hand in comfort. She gladly accepted it with a tight squeeze.

“You can’t imagine how long I have been imagining this moment, Vincent… Us, finishing the last chapter…”
She stood up and moved to sit on the bench by his side, still holding his hand and looking into his warm eyes which were filled with gratitude and wonder and a much deeper feeling she barely dared to name.
“And you can’t imagine how many times I was fighting with myself not to come to see you sooner…” His voice trailed off into a whisper.
“Why?” Catherine wondered in surprise.

Vincent released her hand and walked away to lean with his hands against the balcony half-wall as if searching for support.
“Because I have no right,” he said almost depressed staring into the lights in the distance yet again.
“No right??” Catherine couldn’t conceal her amazement. She stood up and walked over to him, gently touching his arm and proclaiming softly.
“Vincent, you have every right…”

His deep blue gaze met her warm green ones and what he saw in it almost took his breath away. He saw gratitude, joy, deep affection and above all, a total acceptance of what he was. When he lowered his eyes still visibly uncertain of his right to share the same space with her, Catherine continued.

“You saved my life, and in more ways, than you could ever imagine…” Her voice was as quiet as his just a moment before, yet he could hear the conviction in it.

“You helped me to get stronger, follow the path I wish to follow, believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself…”

His before shy look at her was now mirroring how deeply moved he was by her words.

“Vincent, you helped me find the real me…. And there will never be enough words or ways for me to thank you for that. You coming to me tonight is the greatest privilege and joy I can ever imagine…”

She swallowed as her own emotions were getting the better of her when she found herself under the spell of his gaze again. The shyness was gone from his eyes, they were twinkling, piercing her right through her soul and what struck her, they made her heart start racing.

It is happening again…, Catherine thought and she trembled slightly under his touch when he carefully took hold of her hands again. Those comforting, warm and strong yet gentle hands… That touch was sending sensations through her as she had never known before, heating the blood in her veins, spreading incredible warmth all around her body, reaching the centre of her heart in a second.

Vincent could feel her heightened emotions and though he couldn’t believe it was him causing them, he felt exactly the same in his own body. He didn’t know where he got the boldness to hold her hands but he just couldn’t resist, he was craving her touch ever since she put her small hand on his shoulder and leaned her body against his in that shy yet so meaningful embrace at the threshold all the months before.

And so as she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest, his long arms embraced her wholeheartedly, leaning his cheek against her head and breathing in the sweet flowery scent of her freshly washed hair; and imprinting in his memory every detail of the feel of her slender body against his.

“Catherine…”

That whisper of the deep velvet sound of his gravel voice sent a shiver down her spine. No one has ever said her name like that… Can I really be feeling this?

Her own body reactions though were telling her that she could and though she was amazed by this realisation, she was revelling in the sweet feel of it.
There is nowhere in the world I’d rather be now than right here, with you…

And because Vincent could feel what Catherine was feeling, the curves of his mouth turned up into a smile at her pleasure and he sighed quietly.

They stood like that for a while and Vincent couldn’t get enough of her scent and feel. Every fibre of his body was revolting, crying out for holding her tighter, for telling her about feelings he was trying to contain for eight months, about the flames engulfing his heart more with each passing second, for speaking the unspoken reality of the truth he did not feel he was allowed to reveal to her. He knew he had to return to reality.

“I… I should go now…” he whispered into her hair.

She pulled back to look at him and he could see a deep sadness clouding her eyes.
“Will I see you again?” she asked with a slightly trembling voice, fighting hard the tears willing to break through.

Vincent tilted his head a little and took pity on her with a little smile of hope. “Perhaps…”

He desperately wanted to believe that but didn’t want to give false promises if he wasn’t sure he could keep them. This was her world, he didn’t belong in it and couldn’t invade her life when she deserved so much more.

His smile vanished again and suddenly, he noticed it was harder to breathe.
“Goodbye, Catherine…”

Before she was able to react, he let go of her, turned on his heel and started descending 21 storeys down from her balcony. The last thing he saw before he disappeared from her sight plunging into the depth was a tear escaping her eye, rolling down the cheek of her beautiful glowing face. 

※※※※※

Five days had gone by since he had seen Catherine on her balcony. Five days of sleepless nights. Five days since the start of his restlessness like he’d never known it before.

At times, he wasn’t sure whether it was his or hers, as her feelings were mingling with his and he still couldn’t divide them in his mind and heart. But he was absolutely sure of one feeling coming over through the Bond as he named it - she was missing him…

How was it possible? Her life was so privileged, she could have anything she wanted, and yet, he could feel an emptiness lingering inside of her. Or was it his own? Maybe they felt it both…

Vincent tried to return his focus to the chess game he was just playing with his adoptive father. It was their favourite pastime and Vincent was practically unbeatable, his sharp logical thinking, almost photographic memory and quick wit had long surpassed his teacher’s qualities. Yet, Father (as the whole tunnel community called him lovingly as he was their unofficial leader and one of the main founders of the world Below) still found immense joy in sharing a game with his beloved adoptive son, still hoping he might beat him again.

Vincent was making it easy for him though today and Father knew exactly what was the reason for the younger man’s distraction. Just when he was about to remark something about it, Vincent suddenly straightened up in his chair and his face looked tense.

“What’s wrong?” Father asked but didn’t get an answer for Vincent shot out of his chamber and disappeared.

                               
                      ※※※

Catherine unlocked the door to the tall brownstone, balancing a paper bag containing some groceries she had purchased just before getting a cab. The brownstone belonged to one of her friends, at the moment away for some time as the house had been under renovation. She was allowed to offer it as temporary accommodation for Carol - the woman who, as Catherine found out in her investigation, was the real target of the attack Catherine had suffered eight months before.

The two women had some similar features and because they had attended the same party that night, the attackers confused Catherine with her. Later though, they did find her and she wasn’t as lucky as Catherine having the financial freedom to fix her face; the injuries she sustained had caused her a permanent disfigurement around one of her eyes. Carol was an important witness to her former employer’s criminal activities and her life was in danger. Therefore, Catherine arranged for her to stay away from her own home until the trial.

Catherine was walking up the massive staircase, calling out Carol’s name, but she didn’t get any response. As she stopped at the opened door to the room where her witness was staying, she froze. Carol was lying lifeless on the floor and when Catherine knelt at her side to examine her, she found out there was nothing she could do for her any more. At the same moment, she heard a man’s voice behind her.

“Don’t bother, she’s dead.” A second man joined him, holding a knife. “And so are you…”

In a second, Catherine grabbed the free-standing lamp next to her and slammed it into both men with force before running out of the room. She tried to run down the stairs but saw another man running up in her direction so she swiftly turned around and flew into the nearest open room and quietly closed the door behind her. She locked it and listened for a few seconds. The men were trying out all doors on the other side of the corridor, but she knew they would reach hers soon.

She looked around for any help she could find to her defence. As she grabbed a wooden footstool into her hands, she stepped back a bit and knocked something over which caused a loud crash. At the same moment, she heard the men trying to break into the room. Luckily, there was another door and when she tried it, it was open.

Catherine rushed out and made her way from room to room back to the staircase just at the moment as the criminals broke down the door to the first room. She saw a man at the staircase turned with her back to her and she kicked him over. The man fell down the stairs and appeared shaken. She started running down the stairs past him when he grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her to the ground. After a bit of a fight, she suddenly saw the other two men at the top of the stairs approaching her. One of them was holding a gun and when he descended to her, he pointed it at her head.

“Say goodnight…” he said triumphantly.

Just before he could pull the trigger, a deafening animal roar penetrated the entrance next to them as its door got shattered into splinters. Catherine looked in the direction of the noise and her eyes widened - she saw Vincent. But he was unlike she had remembered him. He roared again, snarling at the men in a terrible grimace showing his fangs in full force, his eyes burning with rage.

 
With one slash of his clawed hand, Vincent disarmed the man pointing the gun now at him, throwing him with immense power against the wall. Then he turned to the other man and, with another roar, he pushed him against the wall by the neck, breaking it. Just before the third man managed to stab him with a knife, he turned around and bore his claws into his stomach, pushed him to the ground leaning over him and killed him instantly.

The next moment, he turned his head to Catherine and within a second, the expression on his face changed - it turned from rage to shame. The moment Vincent met Catherine’s eyes, he felt the ground beneath him shaking and his heart clouding with agony and despair.

Wide-eyed, Catherine's face displayed the horror she had just witnessed, but she was unable to say anything. She felt a terrible shock clamping her heart. And yet, she didn’t run away, she didn’t move from her spot and kept staring at him.

It’s over, she knows what I am now, I will never see her again…

He pulled back from the body beneath him, slumping down against the wall behind him, his head bowed deeply in shame and despair, his clawed hands hanging lifelessly over his knees.

Catherine’s face suddenly softened and instead of horror, her look turned into one of compassion, seeing how utterly ashamed and devastated he was at her seeing the dark side of him.
My God, who am I to judge him? He did it for me, without him, I would be dead…

She walked over to him and took his hands in hers. He lifted his head in disbelief.
”We can’t stay here!” she said pulling him up and their eyes locked for a moment.
Vincent realised she wasn’t appalled as he thought she would be and in amazement took over the lead and quickly guided her out the same way he came in just moments before. 

                                                                     ※※※

When they reached the basement of the house, she saw the huge hole in the brick wall, with bricks lying all over nearby.

It was he who did it! What enormous strength must be lurking in that body…

Without looking back, they entered the world of tunnels, with Vincent leading her safely to a place not far from the threshold in the basement of her building.
At first, there was silence between them. But after a few minutes, when they knew they weren’t being followed, Catherine stopped him, by calling his name. 

He stopped but didn’t turn around, afraid of what he would see in her eyes - surely by now, she had realised what a monster he was…
”Vincent…,” she repeated, softly touching his arm, and the gentleness in her quiet voice sent a shiver down his spine.
He turned around slowly but was not able to look at her.

“I’m sorry you had to see that…When the darkness overtakes me, I… I lose control of myself…” he whispered what was extremely difficult for him to put into words.

“Have you done it before?” she asked gently, feeling deep sympathy with this gentle giant.
”Only a couple of times… Only when the lives of those I love are in danger,” he breathed. 

There was a moment of silence as they both realised the deeper meaning of what he had just said.
Vincent closed his eyes, then bowed his head again and held his breath.
”Thank you…” Catherine said quietly.
Vincent looked up incredulously, staring at her in shock.

She understood the struggle of his feelings inside of him completely.
“You don’t need to be ashamed… I know you did it to save my life,” Catherine added and smiled.
Vincent swallowed and a little sigh escaped his throat. She saw tears starting to form in his beautiful eyes.
”I would do anything for you, Catherine…,” he stated with a hoarse voice.

Her body trembled at those words and her heart started pounding. She wanted to say something but her throat was clamped for some reason, so she just smiled at him, and her eyes were full of empathy, gratitude and deep affection, which Vincent was yet unable to understand. He attempted a smile and started walking again.

Reaching more familiar areas to her as she remembered some from their first walk up to her home, Catherine walked in front of him and he felt comfortable having her in his sight in case any unwanted intruders endangered them. When they came to a tall and wide stone hall with various staircases leading along the concrete walls, she stopped in her tracks and turned to him, immense gratitude and affection mirroring in her eyes.

”I owe you everything… Everything!”
Vincent’s face was calm but she saw great sadness in his eyes.
”You owe me nothing,” he said quietly. “I’m part of you, Catherine, just as you are part of me… Wherever you go, wherever I am, I’m with you…” He sighed and suddenly found it difficult to breathe. “Goodbye…” he whispered. His body slowly and unwillingly stepped back to walk away but he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Catherine’s face and especially her eyes were full of sadness, she wasn’t willing to part from him. She felt a strong pull towards him.
You can’t leave me like this, it can’t end like this…

She took a few short breaths and suddenly, she quickly put her arms around his shoulders as tight as she could.

Vincent sighed and closed his eyes, as his arms embraced her slender body carefully but longingly. It was his turn to take a few short breaths now and his heart was racing with light speed, heat and love spreading in his veins.

Catherine slowly pulled back to look into his crystal clear blue eyes, still holding his arms.
”For now,” she said and a resolved smile appeared on her lips.

Vincent was unable to speak, he just kept gazing into those green pools and she could see how deeply moved he was. She released his arms and still smiling turned around and started walking away.

Vincent finally moved, in the opposite direction, trying to catch his breath and slow his heartbeat. Just before he started descending the stone staircase, he turned around to look at her one last time. His heart skipped a beat when he saw, Catherine turned around to look at him at the very same moment. She smiled again and watched him turn eventually and walk down the stairs.

We will meet again, Vincent, it is our destiny… she thought and couldn’t stop smiling as she started the short remainder of her journey back home.

※※※※※

_______________________________________________________________ 
(1), (2)  Excerpts from the novel Great Expectations by Charles Dickens